A Return of Our Life

Like so many Saturday mornings of our past, though the first one this summer, we ventured down to the Farmer's Market.  Lots of familiar faces, so happy to see Handy Man there.  He sure has surprised folks left and right throughout this ordeal. 
I was so happy to be doing something so normal for me, yet different. I'm not sure you wade this scary heart river without being a bit more fine tuned to the simple joys of everyday life. There was a new kid on the block selling breakfast tacos with an indian flair, tandoori chicken and blackbean dahl. They were delicious. Such a treat.
Rae has a friend who sells cards and flowers and duck eggs.  This will be my first duck egg experience.  I'm thinking of dividing them in half for one savory and one sweet dish of some sort.
The rest of the day has been mostly silent.  I will not miss one thing of this medical journey except the communication and visits with friends and family. It is so weird that no one was coming to visit, no phone calls or texts to receive or send.  Last week was so jammed packed.
Guess I best be figuring out a way to fill out our days next week.

Busy Day

We headed out fairly early this morning for labs at the hospital. Sadly, Handy Man didn't have a repeat of his one great night, but hopefully there will more and more of them in time.  I had to do a few errands, but the first order of business was to feed him.  It was nice to be out and about a little.
We returned and he took a nap. Later a teacher friend came with a summer salad and a blueberry cobbler. I enjoyed visiting with her over turkey sandwiches.
The Occupational Therapist came today and couldn't believe what great shape Handy Man is in after reading about his surgery.  He doesn't think his services will be needed.
Our Miss Mae and her Doctor Bill called and invited us to go out to dinner, so we were uber social butterflies today.  As we talked again about the surgery and the degree of failure of Handy Man's heart, I was again just amazed at how he has come through this.  I don't understand the way things work always, but I know this work involved more than gifted hands and hospitals.  He is, plainly put, another miracle of God's creation.  That a heart can have that much lobed off and go back to work seems unreal, but it is very real and very wonderful.

The Ups and Downs

You can accuse Handy Man of many things, but being verbose wouldn't be one of them. Ahem, well, except perhaps in traffic with words I will not repeat here.  Quite the contrary, I don't know many people who have less to say than he.  So, imagine my surprise and delight when I wake up to a very loud, for him, proclamation of "Thank you Jesus!"  Surprise number two, perhaps wanting to be sure it was going where it was aimed, he said it again.  Needless to say, I was curious as to the why of such an unusual outburst.  He was beside himself with joy that he went through the entire night in his own bed, mostly sleeping till 7:00 am.  Perhaps the midnight bed, to recliner, to couch, to couch, to couch, we have three, is over.  He is delighted! At least twice more he commented on that feeling so good.
I said it looks like a frat house in here with a glass, a pillow or three, and a balled up blanket on every soft surface. He was like Goldilocks trying to find the just right. Glad it turned out to be the bed.

His blood count is low, but not lower than his last labs on Friday. It is ever so slightly higher.  I am guessing the paleness is because he is doing about five times the amount of moving around than he was doing in the hospital.  His heart rate is down, so, thank the Lord, all numbers moving in the right direction.

The physical therapist came today to give him some exercises to do and more information about what not to do.

You know of course, I want him to feel wonderful, but it likely will work to his advantage that his blood builds back slowly and paces him. Otherwise, he'd be a booger trying to do things he shouldn't.
I moved the eight tackle boxes, don't ask, I can't even, to the front porch and that is the first goal.  Divide the plunder asunder into the one he wants to keep and the rest for the gramerlings.
When that chore is done, he can  move into the garage for a few minutes each day and straighten his not heavy tools into whatever way makes sense to him.  I am hoping having a cleaned out space to putz in will stir again in him his love of woodworking. Perhaps one of the most telling things to me about there being something wrong was his complete abandonment of woodworking.

It is very hard to believe it has only been two weeks and a day since that surgeon said those chilling words to me. "Valve repair, easy, bypass, easy, aneurysm, big and scary. Your husband will be very sick for four, five days, then he will recover, or he won't."  For the  first time, in all the many hospital places I've been, I just did not know if I could hold myself up.  All I heard was, "or he won't," and all I could think about was that Handy Man might have gone through all of this for nothing.  Then you go back there and you see all the bank of drips and the respirator and the drains and the balloon pump and you can't even wrap your head around that. It is like so very astounding that in a few short days all of it would be gone and the poor heart and lungs that suffered such an assault heals bit by bit. Bodies can be so amazing.

Gardner E. stopped by with a treat of peach ice cream.  Between that and the tomatoes from Uncle Joe, it felt so summer time.

I've said many times how I value words.  I am fascinated by the folks so kind to care about Handy Man. First a card from a friend of Gardner E. and then today, a card from someone in that friend's church group who has been praying, complete strangers to us. In addition, a friend of mine, who included the Episcopal Bishop Jennifer's commencement address.

You are being summoned to places you did not intend to go, people you did not intend to pastor. You are being called to extend and to receive the kind of lavish, radical hospitality that unleashes the the Holy Spirit and changes the world. You will find your ministry outside of the city gate, with the women at the river, in the most improbable ways. And it will be hard, and it will be good and God will be with you.

I do not ever want to forget those who have been hospitable to us in this big, scary place.
Was it you?  Thank you.

Trashy Post

Ain't she a beauty-

So now everyone scratches their head and says, "Well, she has been under a lot of stress lately."   

It is beautiful because it was out at the road and now it is here, where it goes, delivered by the Handy Man.

On his walk he returned the emptied can. 

Monday evening I felt like he'd lost some color.  Tuesday I still felt that way. I asked Rae and Ol' Mother Hubbard and they agreed.  I called AngelCakes and she ordered labs and a different, but equally sweet visiting nurse came today to take his labs.  I was happy to hear that all his vital signs are great.  In fact his heart rate is the lowest it has been throughout this entire ordeal.  That is an encouraging sign that his heart is not having to work so hard.

I raced back to school this morning to finish some work for my license.

When I got back I heated up some leftovers before Ol' Mother Hubbard arrived with her three youngest.  I loved the help weeding my flower beds, but mostly I just loved spending the afternoon with them.

 Love this beauty from a sweet friend.

Gardner ML stopped by and brought my favorite soup from a local restaurant. 

Then my cousins were in town and made a trip out here to see us.  I am so annoyed with myself that I forgot to get  a picture.

Handy Man had a visit from a friend at work. He likes to hear all about what is going on at Beach.

Aunt Tish came with boxes of yummy vegies and had supper with us.

Then it was time to finish the last part of my CPR training.  This time I did the online class, then you can finish at our local fire station, where a cutie young firemen did an awesome job. He asked if I had questions several times between percussions and AED and a couple of times I had a question. He was very knowledgeable and even after taking the class many times, I learned a few things.

Since the fire station is just around the bend from my house, I braved up and took Handy Man with me. His first outing since coming home. He has to be a backseat rider for a few weeks  according to the doc. He didn't have too much trouble folding himself up to get in my car.   He was happy to be able to personally thank them for coming out to rescue his flooded garage.

Whew, it was a very busy day and I am tired.  Hope we all have a good sleep.

Summer is Here

I was a whirring dervish this morning, trying to get school things done, Handy Man things done and be ready for Playdate at 1:00.  Even though it was a low population today, it was still such a good one.  Something that felt totally right and normal. 

I e-mailed the Captain this morning to say I managed to get a pool, but that's all I ever did with one.  How does it get blown up?  When he came to drop off Bugg, he took care of that, thankfully.

Handy Man enjoyed the nonsense from the porch until we all ended up on the hill and I turned around and guess who standing there. I'm like, "Umm, get this man a chair and be quick about it." 

I want snails for pets for my classroom and figured I best start figuring out how best to keep them happy. We'd hardly turned around twice and found three. 

 Rae was trying to create a happy home for them and  unearthed fairy eggs. We hadn't found any in so long. This was a fairy nursery. Most exciting!

 And what could be more exciting than finding beautiful jewels in your favorite color.

Miss Bugg manned the camera till the battery gave out.  My girls are so big, whaaaaa!  They were such a help to me today. 

 I told them since I was moving down to second grade, they had to help me decide on books.  They were no help. Just like me, they loved every last one of them.

Ol' Mother Hubbard said after she'd been here the other day, Baby Boy gave her a hug and told her she smelled good.  She said, "You always say that."  He said, "Yes, but this time you smell good  like you and good like Aunt Kymbi's."  So sweet.

 Alas, the battery fainted after this one creek picture. It was deep and cold, but they were in no way deterred.

We enjoyed a ton of tacos, lots of laughs and cuteness from the littles.  

Handy Many and I are about pooped. 

 Drummer Boy came to try whack down the jungle created from endless rain as the last littles were leaving.  He's been so faithful to keep us from being swallowed up by the lawn.  

You know, when you are faced with hard days, you do what you need to do, and even when you are right where you are supposed to be, it is always strange and awkward and I don't know, somewhat to seriously uncomfortable.  All those strangers, strange smells, fears, and on and on. But making a bucket of taco meat, loaves of bread, fairy eggs, a rolling creek, happy tanned faces, laughter and hugs, good storybooks, and fruit snacks,  oh my, it just feels so exactly right I could sob. 

 Thank you Lord!

Getting the Job Done

The job of walking, resting, sleeping, reading, recovering.

We had begun to doubt that the sun would make an appearance, but finally it did and he enjoyed it a good bit after a trip to the mailbox, which he found much easier today.

I knew we would not be the best at all this sitting.  It wasn't great pre-surgery, but he wasn't so limited and of course we were in the car and gone somewhere as soon as I got off of work.  We had a lot of company Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday. Today was our first day just doing what we call sitting and looking stupid.  It was kind of lonely after all the people interaction I've had the last two weeks.

So, I spent the morning calling first one and then another about all kinds of business. 

We certainly got caught in quite an unbelievable mess everywhere we've turned.  The surgery saddled the huge computer system changeover at the hospital which also affected most of his docs.

Then his work is undergoing a change of ownership and everything is up in arms.

A call to our financial guy revealed still another big switch. Who named the last half of June as the month to upend every other thing in our life. 

Ugh. 

I'd be curious to know how many times some one has told me sorry, but they are in the middle of a mess. 

 I hear ya.

At 9:08 I called the Crown Prince Kidney Doctor's office and related the weight gain.  About 9:20 the Crown Prince himself called. What?  What kind of efficient medical service is this?  Who even knew it could be done?  Asked me to share again then changed up a med and in ten minutes done and done.  

Wowzer.

So, when I'm home I cook ridiculous amounts of food. Instead of meal train coming here, I'll be sending a meal train somewhere else. 

First on my list is that wonderful neighbor of ours who noticed the flood, called his friends at the fire house and saved the bunny and the garage.  Believe it or not the other bunny was found living under another neighbor's big tree that fell.

When it rains it pours has been both a literal and figurative picture of us.  

So the small pan of cinnamon rolls is for the neighbor and the big pan for the firefighters.

The neighborhood hero picked them up this evening. 

 There is bread under the tea towel, ready for my kiddos tomorrow.

Speaking of firemen, one of them is going to yet save me again.  I missed my CPR training when we had that unfortunate appointment with the surgeon who told us nothing.  A sweet friend found out the local fire station Captain could help.  I took the online training today and will meet with him later in the week to finish. Thank you Lord for so many kindnesses.

Aunt Tish brought a pile of cucumbers, so we enjoyed cucumber salad this evening. 

Friends of a friend sent the sweetest card today.  Just like talking, I love me some handwritten sunshine, and from someone who doesn't even know us, but have loved us through prayer in this hard season.  What a blessing. 

I just heard a song by Selah that I don't recall hearing- You Deliver Me.  Of course, different circumstances give songs different power I think.  Thankful He delivers us.

I've been enjoying catching up on life via e-mail with an old friend.  I am just a communicator.  No matter how I'm communicating beats not communicating. 

Tomorrow is Playdate as best as I can do under the circumstances.  While it won't be Gramerly's usual, if will be a little bit of normal I'm looking very forward to. 

Back to Work

Handy Man finally found a comfortable spot and slept soundly for a few hours this morning.  After starting the night unable to sleep well, that was a blessing.
It was very busy here yesterday morning as the guys finished up the garage clean out. I am so thankful they could make the time on short notice to do such a big, wet, dirty job.
While these jobs are easier to do for sure with no littles underfoot, for the gramerlings it was like opening the doors on Aladdin's treasure cave.  I really appreciate the guy's managing all the little helpers as they explored Pap's hidden room.

That revealed a little job Handy Man can do while porch sitting- reduce the volume of fishing stuff and tackle boxes that accumulated through the years.
For ten days, when no one was watching, the ants moved in. While the guys were working outside, Rae spent the morning trying to find anything in the pantry they might have access to and tossing or repackaging. Aunt Tish came in the late afternoon to help me finish the kitchen job.
Handy Man went to work on some folding.   I feel like it is such a fine line to walk. My tendency is to want to do everything for him.  I know it is important both mentally and physically for him do anything he feels up to doing.

The visiting home health nurse came about 4:00 yesterday. She was such a nice young lady.  I was overjoyed that none of Handy Man's vitals had changed from the hospital.  She said it all looked great. 

I was dismayed this morning when he had a weight gain close to a doctor call. Not quite there, but more than should be in an evening.  We'll try to be even more careful of salt today, maybe move around more if he can, and hope we don't see the same in the morning. If we do, then I'll have a call into the docs first thing.  

Thank you for your continued prayers that his body figures out this smaller heart.

Large Weather We're Having

As was expected, we're playing musical chairs and beds over here, finding what is most comfortable.
It is pouring rain outside.  The boys hoped to finish up most of the garage clean-out this morning. I've yet to learn if the deluge will cancel efforts. If not, it will surely make it less enjoyable than it already is. I hate that.
Was so very happy to see Ol' Mother Hubbard, safely returned home from her big trip with lots of great stories and some smooth and rich coffee I am enjoying this morning.
Just a reminder, we have lousy cell phone service here at home.  It you want to talk to us, you have to call the house phone, and I know, I know, this is asking a lot, but actually talk on it.  I don't envision us being out and about for quite awhile yet. I do Facebook, but not very much.  Also, I like to e-mail so kp1979@msn.com. 
Thank you for your continued prayers for healing.
So much of this surgery we weren't really clued into beforehand.  It is just so, sort of unreal.  I mean when you remove your hand, your arm doesn't compensate for that hand.  The surgeon thinks that the heart will learn to compensate and will figure out how to do heart business with two thirds of his left ventricle removed, but it takes a while for the muscle to figure it out.  Sort of like the heart has its own brain, which is amazing and wonderful, but also sort of strange and maybe could give you bad dreams, or good ones, depending.  The problem, they really have no idea how much it will compensate or how long it will take.  You just have to wait and watch.
Wow, the body is just an intricate, fascinating creation.  Prayers continue that the Good Lord will bless this remodeled heart with what it needs to do its best work!
My hope then  is that this space will become less and less about Handy Man and return to its old job of my jotting memories of our blessed life, though kind of boring.
Thank you to all that have tuned in morning and night and have prayed and prayed. Between the surgeon's passion and gifted hands, unbelievable technology, knowledgeable nursing, Handy Man's constitution, precious souls who have fed us and stayed close,  and some just flat out miracles ( the cardiologist has commented on more than one occasion that he has no idea why he ever saw Handy Man, his heart was so damaged he should be dead), we've seen the hand of God and the love and grace of Jesus in this very hard time. We are grateful.

Home Again, Home Again

Gee, it takes so long to get discharged. We're home at 2:30 to a sweet welcome on the porch. Giddy-Up said, "Well, I guess this is a party."  Indeed.
Also a bit intimidating.  I mean at the last minute they decide he needs a calcium drip that took two hours to run.  What is going to keep him from needing another one two days from now?  Who would know?  It is hard to hear when they tell you all the risks and also that there is so little known about heart reduction.  But what you going do? The best you can and ask the Good Lord to see to what you can't.
I'm going to work at keeping my heart healthy by eating this gift of fresh picked blueberries, my favorite. I've been waiting for them since last August.
Thank you for so much prayer and attention.  Looks like a very slow four weeks and then we'll see what they say. 
Call or text or drop by and see him sometime. Four weeks is a long time to be porch bound.

Sam could barely contain himself.

Ten Days Ago

 Today, you can't even tell the hellish few days he went through.  He is glad to be home.  Our goal, keeping him home.

Praise God for Blessings Great and Small

Is Today the Day?

When I said, "Goodbye, I'll be back," this morning, Handy Man replied, "Don't forget me here."
I won't know till the the surgeon rounds if the med change brought the hoped for result. Sometimes he comes in about 11:30. If he doesn't get out of surgery on time, then we don't see him until after his second surgery.
I wonder how many hours I've spent these past ten years, waiting on a doc.
So, Handy Man's breakfast is about ready, so I best get ready and head out of here.
How about we all have an awesome day!

Mid- Afternoon Post

After our news today, I felt it was time to reach out to someone at Beach.

Good Afternoon,

Phil has had quite a time. This was a rough surgery, but in the last two days he  has made amazing progress. He's got a big appetite, gets up and down on his own and today walked down and up a flight of stairs.

He had hoped to come home today, but at the last minute, they decided to change a med and we have to see how he does before sending him home.

We also received another very unexpected bit of news.  He has to go home on the life vest.  This type of surgery is so rare they basically have no idea if his excellent vitals will continue and had not planned to evaluate his remodeled heart for some time.

This is very alarming in light of his work situation.

Phil discovered very quickly that he does not enjoy "not working" and was very interested in returning to work. It is so sad to me that we had such a delay between the first round and the surgery. And that, even if, as we have prayed, he continues to  make a miraculous recovery, his job will be threatened by this life vest.

I had already planned to see if there was a way to direct us about possibilities, but was trying to wait until I got the word that the deal was signed and sealed in the transfer to new owners.   Well, I'm feeling like I need to ask this sooner than later. We need to know what awaits us.  Do you see any possibility of the person who controls such things to meet with Phil to consider light duty until this evaluation?   It is very hard to think that his record and work ethic wouldn't count for something until he's freed from this vest.  

Any direction you can give would be appreciated.

Best,

Kimberly Paris

So, that is our disheartening news for the day.  We were told the surgery carried risk, that recovery (the first days) could be tricky, but never, ever was it mentioned that if the surgery was a success and recovery was successful, there would still be a life vest. I had no earthly idea that every other question I ask would be met with, "I don't know, this is a rare surgery." Today I was  told that an echo to see the heart wouldn't be for 90 days?  Folks, are you trying to stop my own heart. 90 days added to the 8 weeks we've walked around with the background hum reminding us that his heart could stop at any time.  Then you add that uncomfortable vest to a broken breast bone and three drain wounds.  

Okay, it is in no one's best interest for me to write all the many ways I feel at the moment.  

Please continue prayers for rest, peace and wisdom for us.

Ready to Go

I asked Handy Man on my way out today, "You need anything else?"  His response did not take me by surprise, "Yea, get me out of here."  He had his test through the night.  Today will be a waiting game. If he needs oxygen then we have to get that done.  They told me someone from the home healthcare we picked would be by, but we haven't seen anyone.  Then all four doctors have to sign off and, of course, they come when they want.  Thankfully, we still have samples of the Eloquis, but who knows about the other drugs. Hopefully filling his new scripts won't be another ordeal. So, I really have no idea about the timing, or even if today will be the day. 
Every time they come in and take his temperature, I sigh big when it is still normal. Only about a hundred opportunities for a secondary infection. 98.6 never sounded so good and makes my heart rejoice. Thank you Lord!
Day 9, that feels like 90.
I will see if Ceece can post here when we get our walking papers in case someone planned to visit the hospital today. 
Just an unusual place for me.  The one thing I can do, when kids and kind folks come to do work I can't is cook.  I won't be able to do that this morning as my boys clean up flood debris.  I'm making Handy Man some bacon, so I'll leave that and a pot of coffee, and a some hospital snacks we won't be needing and that will be the best I can do.
Hopefully though, this weekend I can start rolling out bread and cinnamon rolls again for visitors.
So after we're settled, come on out and sit with us on the porch for a spell. We'll have lemonade, tea and a smile.
Handy Man should be up to receiving and sending texts today. 
Let's have another banner day with this remodeled heart!

My Favorite Face

After I got settled back in at the hospital today I asked myself, "Did I update the blog before I left at the 5:00 am morning dash home to let the dog out?" and the answer was, "I don't know."  I know that this was  by far my sleepiest day.  So I see I did not. I have no idea why I did not.  Lack of sleep with no adrenaline rush doesn't work so well I guess.

Yes, my favorite face of Handy Man, the one that looks just like him in most every respect showed up today.  He ate four times and enjoyed it-huge, huge, huge. Asked  questions about people at work and the grandkids.  We talked through the days he is  missing in this adventure- about 4.  I brought newspapers and he got caught up on all there is to know in our community.  He went under his own steam to clean up this morning, took his own long, hot shower tonight. Is inhaling 1750 on the huffalump ( needed to be 1500), doing what needs done like it ain't no thing and he's all good. That's my guy. 
The nurse let him walk to the door of the unit and squeeze his wee folk this afternoon, which made everyone happy.
A friend from work stopped by and he was more than ready for some work news and enjoyed a nice chat.
A faithful friend of mine has come most days and just seeing her encourages me as she has her own scary heart experience that she has weathered wonderfully.
Aunt Tish showed up with some more yummy stuff and though he'd earlier turned down a hospital supper, he had no trouble enjoying what she brought.
All this lovely day and still no pain meds- astounding.
Otherwise, compared to all the other days, it was a slow one. A good problem, Handy Man has moved to the bottom of the list of immediate need, so we go a long time seeing no one.
For some reason I cannot fathom, though my guess is money, he cannot have a sleep apnea test in the hospital.  Since his oxygen stat drops when he is asleep, he can't go home unless that is aided.  So, he will have an ox/pulse test through the night, which I believe he will fail because he has sleep apnea and will have to go home with oxygen until he's able to get an appointment and have the sleep test done. Okay, let's do it.  Learned just before I left that it is a very loud alarm when the patient stops breathing, so I'm guessing there won't be much sleep tonight.
Other than that they are all thrilled. He saw another cardiologist who is on call for ours today. He came in, got all the scoop, checked him over and said, "Why is this man still here?"
In addition to the oxygen, when the surgeon came in he asked about his helper about meds and numbers, then mentioned the needed pressure in the left ventricular.  When he saw me trying to follow the conversation he looked at me and said, "Just some technical difficulties , might mean one more day."  That is fine with me. I want him in the best shape he can be.
A couple more days is nothing compared to the last two months of fretting and these past eight days, wondering if he would ever turn the corner toward healing.
The best news of the day, his kidney function not only returned to his normal, but for the first time, better than what we came in with in April.  A miracle- thank you Lord!
The next round of storms was supposed to hit about 8:00. I wanted to wait till that had passed , but it is 9:31 and looks like we might have missed it- hurrah. I wasn't looking forward to any more damage.
I hope it holds for the boys to do what they need to do in the morning.
And a little helper elf has obviously been here undoing damage, and leaving a little, sweet garden bouquet they made me smile.
A big ol' bunch of things to smile about today. It feels so nice!

Being Vulnerable

Being Vulnerable, yeah, so I don't like it.  As my mother before me, I have always been a doer.  I usually can come up with six ways from Sunday to show up for someone, but when someone shows up for me,  I feel bad that I've put them in this position.  I feel very embarrassed when my emotions are out of control in front of someone. I especially feel miserable when the showing up is hard and ugly work. Yeah, all that today.
Today was not the best. I left the hospital at 7:30 this morning to run by Aunt Tish's for like the fifth supper the poor girl has provided for me this week, after not getting home till after six herself.
  A text from the neighbor thinking I'm still at the hospital, "Step outside the room and call me." 
Well, my mind went six thousand directions before he answered the phone.  The gully under the garage was washed full of tree debris in this awful rain and badly flooded Handy Man's garage, far into the chicken yard and side yard taking everything in it's path, including my little bunnies.  They found one, half drowned, I don't know if she'll survive it.  That dear neighbor called his firemen friends and they came in the rain and dug out the trees to stop the damage, chased down one pitiful bunny and put here where it was safe and searched for the other. Who does that. Wow, Wow!!!
I called the boys and they came running to assess damage and make a plan.  So  many kind folks have asked what they can do. The boys and a dumpster and a trailer will be here Thursday morning to clean out the garage and salvage what is salvageable.  If any able bodied person is available and would like to help empty the garage, I know they would welcome another set of hands.
If you see a big fire here, it is all the pile of wood.   Thankfully I had another bunny cage. One was destroyed and one wasn't found.   The Captain took my littlest bit home to nurse her back to health.  With all the rain expected I was afraid to have her out.
 I will not be sharing this information with Handy Man just yet. 

This morning Handy Man was doing great and asked for more eggs when I left to let the dog out.  When I got back, he didn't look as good as when I left and soon he was shaking all over, sick and dizzy, so very nauseous.  I called the nurse and she got a med, but it was four hours before he was able to hold his head up.  Then they come in and bring up going home.  Not till you find out what is causing this.
They sort of threaten you that this procedure will do no good if you don't walk and practice deep breathing.  How can you do any of that when you are so very sick.   Ugh.

I'm writing this here, more for my own record than anything.  On Friday a person found me in the waiting room and said she was a case manager and we would start discharge information now. Umm, he's barely off the vent, really?  She asked if I thought he'd have home health or rehab. I told her he was in great shape for the shape he was in and figured home health. Then she gave me a sheet of a dozen or more and said to research them and pick one and drop it off at her office, that day if I could- really?  I had nothing to research on and handed it over to Rae and asked her to do it. She did and had Michael run it back over to me but the office was closed and so I stuck it in my bag and promptly forgot all about it.  So after watching Handy Man be so sick and trying every trick I knew and not being any help at all, another woman walks in. Case Manager number two and the conversation that followed still floors me.
You didn't by any chance get a piece of paper  with a list of home health providers did you?
Yes, I did, it is right here, I picked this one.
Oh, well I feel like I should tell you that the insurance you have won't likely pay for that provider.
Umm, I don't really understand why you would give me a list of providers and tell me to pick one, but not tell me which ones that my insurance wouldn't pay for.
Well, actually, I don't know if that insurance will pay for any of these providers.
What then am I supposed to do?
You will just have to be diligent and do whatever needs to done and call the doctor if  you have a problem.
Vulnerable- yucck. I've held up pretty good this past week, but that was the old proverbial straw and I started sobbing.
Off she went saying she would check, just to be sure.
I cried for two hours.  Thankfully, Handy Man had finally gone to sleep.
Later, I had not heard from Leesh or Ceece about their Mom so I wondered why.  I asked the nurse where the waiting room was for a particular surgery and she directed me.  I found Leesh and it was way pass the time they told her for the surgeon to come out and give a report.  I waited with them awhile.  That is so awful when the clock is ticking fifteen, twenty, thirty ...  Come to find out, the surgeon forgot to come out and see the family and left, taking with him a rather serious report.
What in the world?
Then in comes the case manager and says, " Your insurance will cover the provider you picked out."
Really?
Then the cardiologist came in, again astounded at his vitals, but unable to tell me how things would go from here.  Then the surgeon came in a dropped a bomb shell I wasn't expecting.  " He's doing great, but this will take a long time and a couple of other admissions are expected."  Meaning he is expecting more heart failure that will land us back in the hospital, until this remodeled heart can heal.   Well, I guess I'd cried all my tears. I didn't faint either, but I sure felt faint. 
Maybe, Lord willing, he'll be the exception to the rule and there won't be anymore admissions in the near future.
Ceece's Mom has another hard road in front of her it looks like.  My head hurts and I'm just sad.
I have to  finish up here and head back to town before he is calling looking for me. 
But before I go I again want to say, "Thanks so very much," for keeping us fed and watered, for holding us up when we're falling down, for bravery in saving my bunny, for a plan for Handy Man's Garage, for every sandwich and smoothie and other yummy thing, for listening and praying. I am thankful.

Morning Report

The nurse reported this morning that Handy Man stayed in the correct heart sinus rhythm all night long. She said if that continues, he will feel much better. 
Constant thirst is not anything as horrible as that nerve pain (still without pain meds, day two) but it is annoying.  The thirst is due to the medical attempt to pull off any remaining water. So in addition to boiled eggs, today's request was for lemonade and water from home.  The nurse said artificially sweetened mints sometimes helps, so I'll stop and grab that as well.
Thankfully, another day the house didn't float downstream in this rain. I hear it gushing out there.
I haven't asked too much about what all has to happen for him to come home, because they change their minds every five minutes anyway.  While I had already had my fill of ICU's before we ever got there, I do not want to come home with any questionable concerns about the meds he needs, or anything else he needs for that matter. So far, he isn't asking either.
It is so strange for people to swirl around you day and night, changing this and fixing that and if it is like last time, almost until the minute you walk out the door.  That is your focus, and that's about all. You don't really know what day it is. I have no idea what's happening in the world, my world is- what is his blood pressure reading, did he eat, walk, is that a-fib etc.  Then they say, okay time for you to go and they send you home with nothing but medicine, good luck, hope it all works out.  So do I, so do I.
Thank you for your continued prayers for Handy Man and for Ceece's Mom this morning.

Recovery is Hard Sometimes

As I've already said, today started out the best ever and it continued to be the best day so far.
Between walks and restroom, Handy Man got up from the chair without an assist and followed the plan five times. 
He ate the most he's eaten so far. Grant it, about a tenth of what he usually eats, but some good protein today.
I washed his hair and scrubbed him up which made him feel better.
All his visitors were thrilled with how great he looked.
All the docs on board, surgeon, pulmonologist, cardiologist, nephrologist, seem tickled pink.  They want to take a few  more pulmonary measurements before he can get unhooked of everything.  The surgeon said that it will take his smaller heart a while to regulate the water in his system and he needs to find out how to help it out.  In the meanwhile, walk, inhale in the huffalump and walk a little more.
So, today his brother and sister-in-law stopped by and asked me to go to dinner with them.  I do think that is so kind, but my first response was, "No, I better not."  I don't know exactly what I think might happen if I'm not there, but the idea that something might is very anxiety producing for me. They were insistent and then Handy Man got on the bandwagon. They said we wouldn't go far or for long.
 We've reached the place in this recovery that is very, very hard for me.  I know to gain strength and energy, he has to do hard things.  Also that he doesn't want to eat much.  So I'm the one who gets the job of gently harassing reminding him. It seems ridiculous, but it is true, between getting the bed changed, moving all the stuff to get him in the chair or go for a walk, eating,  cleaning up, brushing teeth, taking the meds, calling someone to fix whatever alarm is sounding, listening to a minimum of four docs, physical therapy or occupational therapy, education on what to do at home, etc., it is hard to get all the doctor's orders in.  That boils down to very little uninterrupted sleep, which is what he wants most of all. While I so want to let him sleep, I am desperate to keep pneumonia and blood clots at bay.  I think he very much wanted me to leave him to sleep in peace and not be asked for the tenth time today if he wants something to eat. 
So, I stepped out of my comfort zone, and went.  It was fun and very tasty. Even though I must admit my mind would stray back to our temporary nest, it was a good little break and like so many wonderful kindnesses, I surely appreciate it.
And believe it or not, he was just fine.
I think each time he walks, he's surprised by how hard it is and how far he has to go.  I wish for him to know how completely normal it is to have no energy after such a surgery and to be able to look to better days.  Oh, as of now, 34 hours with no pain meds.  Thank the Lord.
I'm so glad for all the sweet faces who show up and love on us.  Sure makes the days go quicker.
If tomorrow is as good, I'll sneak over to the waiting room to sit a bit with Ceece's family, as her Mama needs a little surgery tomorrow.  Prayers for success.

Who's There

What is behind Door Number 2211 on this Monday morning, June 17th?
Once again, a completely different person than yesterday.  No pain meds for 17 hours.  So, I was right, despite them cleaving his breast bone in two, this was not the problem.  How is it possible that it wouldn't be a problem?  It would not be possible if it were me, but  for the man of a multiplicity of kidney stones and costochronditis,  a walk in the park. That lovely drain pressing on a nerve was the culprit.  We had a restless night. Not because of pain, but sleep apnea, a repeatedly occluded IV line, restroom trips etc. That's okay. When he is talkative, wide awake and hungry,  not gasping for air, even though it is only 4:00 am, I feel refreshed.
Bless his heart, he said, "My leg is hurting this morning."  Really, the one that is black and blue from the entire length of your thigh, that one.  I gently replied, "Honey, that leg has been hurt all week, it just couldn't be  heard over the rib nerve." Next observation, "My legs get shaky when I walk."  Ya think.  Poor guy sure has very high expectations of himself.
This morning the nausea is much improved, he's fiesty, pleasant, no longer sleepy,  and wants to eat, "Boil me an egg." Yes sir, I'll happily get right on that. I'll boil you a dozen.
  Hello again, this man I know. Perhaps we've seen the last time you slip away into pain or sick.  What a happy thought!  Thank the Lord.
So, I'm off to peel some eggs, and hurry back because the Crown Prince kidney doctor sees him for the first time today and I'm so looking forward to just a clear and pleasing conversation.

Patient Flavor of the Week

It is storming, so if you just get a part of this, and nothing in the morning, not to worry, it is the weather.
It seems every other time I walk in the room, I'm greeted by a different Handy Man.  As far as pain, well he had pain meds at 10:30 a.m., got out the last drain at 11:30 and hasn't had a pain med since.  It is just inconceivable to me that we could go from yesterday's pain nightmare to no meds all day.  Wow.
That is awesome news.
It is also hard to believe this has only lasted five days. What?
What isn't so awesome is along with dizziness that was always present we've added nausea to the mix. So a very quiet, tired, sick patient today. Add this very dark day and his room was kind of a sad place. The big picture- I really don't know how this recovery could be moving the right direction any faster. The minute by minute is ever fraught with some other, or an on-going, misery.
He had hoped to be able to read some, but not yet.
He has no appetite at all.  Also, in a bizarre turn of events, he's gone from always freezing, to always being hot. That could in part be the increase of his circulation, more likely a new med.
This surgery, oh my, everything you do hinges on some other issue you are trying to take care of.  The injured heart puts extra pressure on the kidneys. This means the meds going in are not going out at the rate they should. The only thing that will help is moving.  Do you have any idea how fun moving is when you are dizzy and nauseous?  Poor guy.  Anyway, he's been in a chair most of the day, but has taken a walk twice. Once around the nurse's station and he was well spent of course.
So tomorrow will look like walking, breathing deep, walking, breathing deep.
We both bear a close resemblance to a limp, wet dishcloth.
Aunt Tish and Leesh ( Ceece's Sister Nurse) go back to their other lives tomorrow. Whaaaaaaaaaaaa.
So prayers that Handy Man jumps all the hoops needed for recovery.

The Difference in a Day

My goodness, our day dawned very differently than yesterday, much later too, thank the Lord.
I woke up and looked across the room to bright, open, eyes. I peeked then at the clock and my heart sank- 5:00 am. An hour to go before scheduled meds, the worst hour.  So I cautiously got up greeted him.  What's that- a smile, a big cough without grabbing his chest bars,  a request for food instead of a morphine boost?  Unbelievable.  He slept like a rock all night long.  They had to wake him up to give him his meds at 2:00 a.m.  So, was it the change in pain med, did the anti-inflammatory and ice pack settle that inflammation, all those prayers?  I don't know, but it is hard to even compare yesterday's Handy Man to today's Handy Man.  And thank you Lord, the change is wonderful.

I despaired at him having to endure such pains for days and I despaired of having a ring side seat to such suffering.

As I was leaving he asked for his Kindle.  Hopefully he can say, "Hello, it's me," on fb today.

He will have a challenging day. He needs to be up more than down, he needs to breathe deeper. The chest tube needs to come out, which will, I hope, make that deep breathing easier. He needs to eat.
I'm home this morning making peach parfaits with some protein  and fiber rich foods.  Rae will bring more broth. 

His cardiologist is about to have heart failure himself wanting to do an echocardiogram.  He wouldn't have really considered putting him through much movement till he is stronger and the pain controlled, but is desperate to get a look at that remodeled heart.  I told him he had to show me too!!

As best as I can figure, there is only one big issue related to the heart and that is pulmonary hypertension.  I was told this is just what the body does when you mess with heart, nothing unusual, but takes a few weeks to heal.   We still have afib from time to time, but not so dramatic that it bottoms out his blood pressure.  They are working hard to switch what he does need to oral meds so we can lose the the panel of wires, and tubes and bags,  that looks like a science lab.

Thankful for a Heavenly Father, where I run again and again.

Happy Father's Day.

The ICU Hourly Special

Good thing I wasn't gone long this morning, as his suffering simply wasn't being controlled. Not getting answers from the night nurse, not feeling helped by the day nurse,  I called Ceece's sister to the frontlines and she got the floor manager.
 By the hour  this morning, a side of me that I work hard to keep wrapped up tight was about to blow.
I said, "You are not listening to me, this is not working, vitals going nuts, him crazy in pain. I want this medicine changed and the plan changed. "  In addition, I asked if they ever planned to move that left leg that had not been moved since Wednesday, and was there any protocol for nutrition, as he had nothing since Tuesday evening.    She kept telling me things I knew and had not one thing to do with the problem at hand.  Soon we were joined by  the surgeon and at last,  things begin to change.  First a new med, second the knowledge that there was inflammation in his chest that couldn't be addressed with the meds he was on, so an additional appropriate relief.
Then, after an hour under proper medication, the goal was to sit on the side of the bed.  Handy Man has never one time been typical in this whole deal and didn't intend for today to be any different.  He sat on the side of the bed, he stood up on that leg while we all gasped and applauded and then took the steps to the chair (occupational therapist guiding and others help hold the five hundred wires and boxes and tubes- oh my). He made it three hours with no morphine boost, ate some healthy bone broth Rae brought and started dropping those drip meds left and right, oxygen turned down. All kinds of astounding things happened just in a few hours when someone finally paid attention and got the right treatment on board.  Thank God.
I did not have the heart to push for more. He desperately needed some sleep.  I never thought gentle snoring would sound like a heavenly choir, but it did. Tomorrow  though, we have work to do with moving those legs and moving those lungs and getting some nutrition into that body.
Thankful for support when you are wondering if you are just crazy to expect better pain control.
Thankful for the docs who are patient and explain details I feel the need to know.
For friends and family who listen to you yell, cry, or do whatever you need to do to get by.
Thankful for special treats, yummy food and holding vigil for me while I write here to you, and wash my hair.
The cardiologist explained some of the nitty gritty of that surgery to visiting friends who are friends with him as well.
Each time I hear it, the absolutely terrifying aspect is still very present, but the marvel is also very present.  It seems like some kind of Robin Cook fiction book, certainly not something that would involve Handy Man.  I don't know why we got the this miracle- oh tears, but I hope we never stop  treasuring  it and appreciate God's handiwork and the gifts He gives.
Specific prayers for today- Some sleep for both of us, that the last drain gets gone and that he has strength to breathe deep enough to keep it out, and no infections. 
One million thanks.

Frustration Abounds

Good morning.
If it is a good morning, which I doubt.
Thank you Eeyore, you can just sum it up for me.

Just a quick update as I have to get back to be certain he gets pain meds on time. He's been intense discomfort since 2:30 am.  I can't for the life of me understand why he has to ask for pain meds instead of them just being given on schedule. But I have been assured he has to say he wants them before they can give them. I guess I was asleep when they came in asked him if he needed them. Sooooo, he had had zero meds through the night. This is the worse round we've had, and another bout of a blood pressure drop and Afib to top it off.
He has made it his goal to be pleasant to everyone and he has performed that admirably.  By the wild  cat look in his eye and his choice of vocabulary this morning, it must be flat out hellish.  Ugh, I HATE this for him!

He won't miss anymore doses. I will see to that.

Again, thank you for prayers and visits and bags of interesting treats.  We would falter without such love.

Boing, Boing, Boing

That would be the Handy Man and me.
I think you could about wipe up the floor with me.  Another day of two steps forward, three steps back, two steps forward, umm, now where are we - even, forward, back.
As the time approached to remove the balloon pump, Handy Man again had a bad break in pain coverage that sent his blood pressure soaring and cancelled plans for balloon removal until they could get it down.
They did, removed the tube along, with two drains.  Lost a lot of blood from one of the drains, so his platelets are low.
He was again, completely spent.
The good news, I got to move in with him and both of us got an actual part of an hour of uninterrupted  rest.  Might have gone on a bit longer, but I pressed my foot against something that woke me up feeling like someone had amputated a toe.  Turns out, just a smooshed cuticle.  But it was nice. Umm, not the smooshing, the resting in the room with him.
Since we were now a few hours out of the removal of the helping balloon pump with  no deleterious effect, I much too quickly heaved a huge sigh of relief.  Then he went into afib and his blood pressure plummeted.  They assured me this was normal, annoyed hearts do such things.  The rate at which everyone was flying around didn't really make me think it was too normal.  I confuse things, to me this can't be "normal", and not normal translates to dangerous and awful in my book.  Perhaps "normal" in their book, still means dangerous and you better fix it quick, but no great surprise.   So in a thrice, blood pressure down.  He was resting again and Aunt Tish was there with supper, so I went out to not disturb him, when he gets a chance to not be disturbed.  While I was gone his bp went down again, so now a few more meds added back to the heart support line up. 
Though the heart pump is gone, and he wore a cuff at the entry sight to smash on it for two hours, he still can't sit up or move that leg until 1:00 in the morning.  The goal had been to have him sitting up by evening, but it will now wait for tomorrow.
Besides IV type stuff, we're down to one drain.
He's had a couple of other things crop up like hot flashes and the shakes.  Those things don't concern them much, but they are surely a pain to the patient.
This was  like a big feast day. Rae brought warm homemade sourdough bread and fresh pesto (is there anything better), Deb brought a yummy lunch and Aunt Tish provided a summer picnic with a real plate and a real fork to serve a tomato tart, roasted broccoli, cucumbers and peach cobbler- so many warm and delicious flavors.  Perhaps it was salted with a few tears, but that didn't change the goodness of the food and the effort.
For the first time, we have the same nurse twice in a row.  Handy Man likes him. It so nice for someone to walk in knowing exactly what is going on.  They managed a mostly uneventful night last night- my favorite kind, here's to a repeat!
So appreciative of our medical people outside of his room who keep encouraging me that all is well.
Thankful for the all the visitors today as I was kicked out for a long time to do all that pulling of this and that.  It surely helps the time to go by more quickly with a friend.
I hope prayers continue, he still needs them. As you can imagine, he is weary.
Ceece's Mom has a few other things than pneumonia and can use those prayers as well.

Friday Morning

For the first time, I awoke in the waiting room with someone gently nudging me and letting me know Handy Man was asking for me.  I think this was about 12:30.
When I returned last evening, he looked great, color was good, enjoying his ice chips. He asked couldn't I stay. I told him a few more things had to happen for me to be able to stay in the room, but I'd be close by.  He then asked me to be sure and tell that nurse where I would be.
I scurried on back and he said, "I just wanted to hold onto you for a minute."  I guess so, what a wild ride this has been.  Since they've pulled back sedation, while he is sleepy all the time, any little thing wakes him up and there is no end to the million  of little things going on around him all the time.
So, after a while he wanted  me try and get some more sleep, so I slept a bit more and returned at 3:30.
During the night, he graduated from ice chips to water.  I don't know if they'll add anything to that today or not.
So, maybe the heart pump in the leg can bid us adieu sometime today.  If so, it will still be eight hours before he can move around much or attempt sitting up.
He remains the world's best patient.  He coughs on schedule, doesn't try to move that leg, generally behaves really well.
On the one hand, he looks the very best he has looked thus far -progress is definitely underway, on the other hand, we still have a far distance to go.  I am thrilled with each step in the right direction, but that array of meds being pumped into him at a steady clip reminds me that his recently repaired ticker, isn't yet up to ticking independently.  Getting there, without encountering any other roadblocks, will remain the challenge.
Waiting Room culture challenges you on so many levels. Not just your own fears and worries, but by it's nature,  being brought into the medical crisis of one family after another.  If you have even a little empathy, your heart breaks to look around at teary and confused faces, though you may never get to know the outcome or lay eyes on these folks again.  You pray and hurt for strangers. I dislike TV in the best of times, it blaring all over during the worst of times makes me crazy.  My love of reading goes out the window when my mind  remains in the CVCU room down the hall no matter where I sit. Let's suffice it say, the furniture surely lacks the comforts of home.  Food is a problem because you don't want to eat junk all day, but you don't want to leave to grab a better choice.  You know you are always disappointing someone because you can't turn loose of this less than homey spot in your journey. Rightfully, they care and want you to go somewhere to find better nutrition, a comfortable sleeping place, some beauty or rest and you want that too, you really do, but- somehow there's a strong and invisible attachment to me and that man down the hall.  While this room of endless waiting is in many respects strange, lonely,  scary and uncomfortable, it is less so being close, it is too big and too scary when I am far.  You know, you think too highly of yourself, like that attachment, though invisible, somehow is making a difference,  perhaps a difference that is beyond what this millions of dollars of equipment and these highly trained and skilled people have to offer that man.  That maybe that midnight attempt to hold onto each other is what is really holding us here.  I don't know.
There is a different kind of skill that requires no fancy equipment, no expensive drugs.  It shows up in a warm smile and a big hug.  It sits right down beside you while you wait, cries a tear with you, prays a prayer, offers a special treat, makes you laugh, rejoices at every step forward in this journey, or feels a stab when there is a set back.   It listens when you repeat scary words you've heard that keep showing up to bang around in your bruised head until you say them again,  somehow lessening their strength. Perhaps it comes in a message, or a card, or a call, or the knowledge that your critters are fed. As minutes seems like hours and hours seem like days, all these things come to you in this waiting place and make you grateful.
Every. Single. Little. And. Big. Thing.
So I'll return and see what our day holds.

Day Two

Gee, how in the world could this only have been two days.  It feels like weeks.

This morning did not start out too well.  They tried to remove the vent and while he can in fact breathe on his own, his heart statistics showed their lack of appreciation.
This is all so kind of hard to explain.  He has a tube running from his leg to the top of his heart, attached to a balloon.  It all comes from a pump. The pump causes the balloon to fill and push on the heart, helping the heart out.  The problem, he can't be moved much at all, or bad bleeding could occur.
Sooo, when he was trying to breathe, he was flat on his back.  They told me folks with a big incision in the chest can't deep breathe flat on their back. Handy Man proved this to be true.
However, if you can't get off the vent you can't strengthen your lung and heart by breathing deep and coughing.  Next worry- pneumonia.
After that experience, he went too long without pain meds and when I came back he was in terrible shape.  Grimacing and sort of like shivering, only he wasn't cold.  Thankfully my pastor stopped by and was very quickly praying for him.  He responds well to me rubbing his head, neck, arms and him rubbing mine,  which I was doing, but I'm still not allowed in there for long. Anyway, thankfully the pain started to ease and his color came back.

 I felt like he was picking up that this was not the recovery we were told about on education day.  And after the failed vent removal and the horrible pain episode,  I just sensed a difference I didn't like.
I called his siblings to come for a wee visit.
In the afternoon they tried again, only this time the surgeon came in and oversaw some bit of movement and raising him a bit.  That  worked and out the vent came.
Praise the Lord!
Between that, having his siblings and kids and a few other family and friends trickle in for a minute, along with a bit of ice and knowing to stay on top of the pain medication, when I left to come home, he was a different patient from the morning.
So it ended up being a big improvement.
We are still not out of the woods. His heart is being supported still by the pump and multiple IV meds.   The docs are just not familiar enough with resections to be able to offer much insight as to how this will go.  It seems to me like it will go slow, removing one thing at a time to see if the heart can do the work.  In the meantime, we so very much do not need any other infections to complicate things, so hopefully all the extras like drains and balloons can come out tomorrow.  That is our prayer.
In addition, Ceece's Mom has pneumonia, so prayer for her too please. 

There's Got to Be a Morning After

My poor pooch is hankering for his couch buddy. I'm guessing through the drug induced fog, his buddy is hankering for him as well.
An uneventful night in ICU is a good night. Thank you Lord!

The cardiologist surprised me by stopping into see me after rounds about 11:30 last night.  He talked to us for a half an hour. I think he was too tired to go home. 
He was surprised and happy that Handy Man knew him and reached out to shake his hand.
He said it appeared that things were going well, but he wasn't the person to ask as he has only ever seen four patients who've had the procedure Handy Man just experienced.
That is not exactly what I had hoped to hear, but at least he is honest.
Then he added there was no other viable option for Handy Man.

I asked him about the surgeon's comment - "Scary and Big"  I wanted something more than "big" which just has no value for me.  He said his heart was three times the size it should have been. Whoa.
I don't know if that means the whole heart, or the area of damage that they removed.

It is completely not of my brain's understanding, at least in a physical sense, that he was walking, talking, looking and acting for the world like any dead on regular Joe with his heart in such a compromised state.

A big family was in the waiting room all day yesterday. The patient with the heart that went the night before was only 45. I guess he wasn't able to have this surgery and was sent across the river for something more mechanical in nature.

Why Handy Man's blocked widowmaker didn't stop his early departure from this world, only his Heavenly Father knows.

Today will be a big day and I pray not too scary.
The goal will be that when the vent comes off, his breathing will not overly stress his heart. When the balloon comes out, the heart will do the job the balloon was doing.  The drains will stop draining so they can be removed.

I find this surgeon very challenging to try and communicate with.  Not because of his speech, because he just doesn't really care to.  That being said, the cardiologist was clearly amazed by how quick the  surgeon got in there and back out.  Apparently, the heart/lung bypass begins to cause all sorts of problems I don't understand when the body has been on it too long.   Also, the surgeon said they were to call him, not the on-call guy if there was a need and lastly, every other time I went back for my 3 minute visit, they said the surgeon had called.  So, I will say he appears to be very mindful of my man.

Bless that reconfigured heart, Handy Man is a model patient.

All prayers appreciated as we continue to venture where few men have gone before.

What a Day

Good Evening,
Just running in to take care of a few things and heading back to the hospital.
Once surgery was underway, it only took three hours, but apparently it was still a very big deal.
The surgeon came out and said to me-
"The valve was an easy repair, the bypass went fine. The aneurysm was big and scary. He will be very sick for several days, then either he will recover or he won't."  There is an 80% chance that the heart will recover."
What I had hoped to hear that the heart was humming along, but we are not there yet.
It is kind of crazy. He has a tube from his leg, that goes up and ends with a ballon against his heart.  A pump is inflating the balloon and  pushing on his heart, helping it to distribute blood as it should.
Then it was a long time before I got to see him at all.  He was obviously in pain. They were very surprised he was awake, even though that is a good sign. This was the first time I saw him at 1:30.  I knew that they work to get the patient off the vent within a few hours of surgery, so was very anxious for my next visit at 3:30 and at first shook up to hear that the surgeon said not to wean him from the vent until tomorrow.  He felt that 24 hours of his heart resting would ultimately benefit healing.  They said though that everything else looked good. They had increased pain meds and he was resting more comfortably.
At 5:30, still out, but everything okay.
7:30 awake and clearly wanted me there squeezing my hand, rubbing my arm and face, being the guy I know.  I assured him over and over that once again he was surprising everyone.  Thank God.
The night shift nurse said he was in as good a place as he could possibly be.
So, while he is not out of the woods, he is improving.
Please keep those prayers for healing of his heart while keeping all bugs and infections at bay going.
It will be the difference for him in this chance to have a healthy heart.
I am so appreciative of all the visits today. Such. A. Long. Day.
Nights it seems are even longer and harder.  Grace for each moment.
Thank you for  your prayers.
I know Handy Man would send you love in buckets if he could!

He’s Done!

Just heard from Gramerly, surgery is done, was a success and now he’s in recovery!

Surgery Eve

So we were restless and up early this morning. We had to laugh at Handy Man's hair that was sticking up like a cock's comb.  Good thing he's getting his hair did today.
I was a whirring dervish, washing everything I think he might come in contact with.
Then Rae came and whisked us away for the morning.  I needed whisking away. This day has felt harder than I had hoped.
As soon as we got out of the car Giddy-Up said, "These are a type of Greek columns, there are three different types."  Good to know.

We were here to visit  a little museum all about Harrison County.

This was a 16 by 20 picture of a local reporter from back in the day. There were other such pictures. When you walk in they look like pictures, but soon they start talking to each other. Crack-Up.  Mr. Smiley was very unsure about that to begin with. 

It is such a great little place, with a ton of local history.  Way to go Corydon.

Next, Butt Drugs.  How much do I love that there is a Butt Drugs still in operation after so many years. 

I'm telling you, they put a quart of ice cream in these sodas and my little piggies drank them up. Handy Man had a "real" cream soda.

 Then a visit to a new little park.

A lady glassblower, how very cool!

We needed to pick up books at the library, get some coffee at the grocery, along with some paper plates and forks because I'm bringing cinnamon rolls to his caretakers and  whoever is waiting out this surgery with me.  I bought myself a shirt that says, "I bake and I know things."  I thought that described me fairly well. We also shopped for a bird feeder for our upcoming porch vacation. 

Then off to the hairdresser.  We've had so very many kindnesses. She cut his hair as a gift.  Songs, prayers, calls, messages and finding out a praying person is on his surgical team, blessings all. 

Then it was make up the clean bed, feed, stock up on the critter's food, get the trash out. 

So, with his new handsome hair cut, time to chill on the front porch.

I'm ready for the de-germing marathon!  

Ol' Mother Hubbard is away on an amazing vacation.  Of course, between David's birthday and her Uncle Phil's surgery, we're e-mailing, holding each other up.

The latest from me-

I'm sick at my stomach and feel like I'm a hair's breadth from toppling off the edge.  But I do trust- Jesus has a hold of some part of me and while I might not move off the edge, I won't fall off.

love you girl

And from her-

I love you too... REAL BIG! 

And I’ll grab you by your hair if you lose your balance on that edge!!!  

Ceece is coming by to try my new curry dish and to give Handy Man a squeeze.

So happy for all the good folks praying for my Handy Man.

How bout we get this done. 

 Here's to a miraculous new heart.

 Merciful Lord, work through the hands of this gifted surgeon, and if needed work around him and beyond him to a good end.  Amen.