Dear Me

Saturday, whilst trying to make sweet with baby Gideon, some gigantic beastie flew out of the yard, right past the window to the kitchen roof. We ran out to see. It was this huge hawk. The chickie girls were strangely absent, though caterwauling to beat the band. Thankfully no chickie girl was shrieking from said beastie talons necessitating me breaking my neck trying to climb a roof or tree to save a terrified girl. When we saw him spread his mighty wings and fly off into the wide blue yonder, we went back to sweet talking the baby. Later, quite a bit later, when Rae-rae was leaving Handy Man laughingly called me to the porch where he found seven hens huddled under a chair- still. They must have really been scared. I've experienced hawks flying over, but never had one come into the yard. My fearless guard dog had escaped and was being fattened at the neighbors.

I think upbeat posts are lots more fun, but I have to admit I'm feeling anything but upbeat. I just haven't adjusted to "back to work" yet. I have almost three times the students I had last year and I leave everyday feeling like there was just not enough of me to go around. Really scary since let's be honest here, there is a lot of me. I've never been a "read the text, answer the questions at the end" kind of teacher. If they miss something, then I think we need to figure out why, not just give a bad grade and move-on. I've always been able to manage, but I don't feel like I'm doing a very hot job this year. I typically go in at seven, come home at six, still with work undone.

Today I left early. Kaye is in the hospital again. When I walked in she started telling me about her afternoon, tearfully. In this long journey (two and half years now), there have been less than a handful of times where she's been left to deal with tests on her own. Pete had a dentist appointment and basically they came and got her and she was out of her room in tests all afternoon. They had to do a Doppler test and MRI on her foot. The first test was fine she said, but the second test didn't go well and she felt someone was mean to her because somehow she wasn't doing what they wanted. I just don't even know how to express the despair and broken heartedness I feel for her. She's there because likely there is gangrene in her foot, along with her usual host of other things. I simply cannot grasp that a person with enough intelligence to use an MRI can't see they are dealing with a brain injured person, who cannot communicate clearly and doesn't always understand directions. Why the hell do they have charts if people can't read them and respond appropriately. I was furious.

I asked the nurse to please find out where she was and what happened. The records showed that the first test went fine, just like Kaye told me, and the next test couldn't be completed because the patient wouldn't cooperate. Perhaps the giver of that test wouldn't be very cooperative when their painful toe that is rotting off was being messed with. I was very polite, as it wasn't those nurses fault, but expressed my dismay and requested that it be investigated further. I reminded them that when she is anxious, it is to be treated before continuing with testing. Kaye felt vindicated that I had gone to bat for her.

I can't help but think of all the poor people who don't have a Pete or sisters who love them and try to take care of them.

So, prayers for my Kaye are appreciated, as always.