Monday, July 16, 2018

The Grief Rolodex

Do you have one?  A brain that came equipped with a grief Rolodex?  My grief Rolodex has 4 cards.  That's not so many to manage it would seem.  Unfortunately though, I can't seem to control the way they flip.
There's the "Pragmatic Card." When that card is in a usable place it says, "Well, what did you expect. You are more than aware that certain bad habits and chronic depression point in a specific direction. You have now arrived at that destination."  Yeah, okay, I got it.
Then there is the "Mad Card."  You look about at the damage and you are just completely ticked that anyone would do such a thing.
Flip. Next up the "Naw, Didn't Happen Card."  I can move with amazing swiftness from understanding that this happens to being completely incredulous and sure that there  has to be some reasonable explanation and that we are just wrong.  David is somewhere and fine.

Lastly, we have the "Hysterical Card." This card I hate the most.  This is when my mind goes back to that little blonde, blue-eyed darling and tears flow and I feel very out of control.

 It is okay when I'm home by myself.  On Saturday, I ran into a friend in Target, who hadn't heard the news.  My brain flipped right to the "Pragmatic Card."  I was able to get through the entire explanation without an ounce of trouble.  Then, walking through the checkout, flip, tears.  I don't get it.  I spent ten hours with Mom yesterday who can only be described as pitiful and the "Mad Card" was flipped on all of those ten hours.  Hmm, I don't know.  It is just hard isn't it?

1 comment:

  1. Oh the grief rolodex, flipping around with no warning at times...tears.